


If I Can't Count On You

by lunchmax



Category: Jak and Daxter
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, First Kiss, Human Daxter (Jak and Daxter), M/M, Mutual Pining, Romance, but like super super mild blood and injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-26 20:17:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21379975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunchmax/pseuds/lunchmax
Summary: A recently-human Daxter wakes one night to find Jak gone on a mission without him. When he returns, emotions run high as both boys reveal some long-withheld feelings.
Relationships: Daxter/Jak
Comments: 4
Kudos: 52





	If I Can't Count On You

Daxter still wasn't used to falling asleep in his new body. His toes got cold every night, no matter how many extra pairs of hole-ridden socks he stole from Jak. Nearly two months had passed now since he'd become human again, and there was still a lot he had yet to adjust to - things like being almost as tall as Jak again, or how much space he now took up in the cramped cot the two often shared. He missed falling asleep curled into a fuzzy ball on Jak's chest at night, his friend absentmindedly running hands through his fur until they both drifted off to sleep.

But without a doubt, the hardest thing to get used to were the nights when Daxter woke up alone.

He'd been roused initially that night by the sound of rain pelting the shabby roof of their most recent hideout, a windowless refuge tucked in the heart of the city slums, barely bigger than a storeroom. Daxter rolled over as a shiver trickled through his body, sending him scooting subconsciously toward Jak's side of the cot in search of more body heat to leech off of.

His heart dropped as soon as he realized Jak wasn't there. Daxter shot up with a start, eyes wide in the darkness as his brain staggered into conciousness. His hands groped at the floor until they stumbled upon the lantern that sat in the corner, fiddling with the knobs until it sparked to life.

His eyes stung as they adjusted to the light, a yellow glow that filled the room and cast stark shadows across the walls. Jak was nowhere to be found.

Daxter laid back down with a groan, his chest filling with a creeping, guilty dread he'd come to know all too well.

It had never been like this before. Wherever Jak went, whatever ride-or-die assignment Torn sent him out on, Daxter had always been right by his side to back him up, no questions asked. But since his transformation, something had changed. This was the third time now he'd woken to find Jak vanished without a word, and his morph gun taken with him. It was all too easy to imagine what sort of breakneck missions he was running for the Underground in the dead of night - the mysterious new scars and bruises that would bloom across Jak's skin by morning would speak for themselves. And though Daxter hated himself for it, he just couldn't get himself to confront Jak about them, to ask why his best friend had started leaving him behind; perhaps he was too afraid of the answer he might hear.

So instead, Daxter pretended not to notice, pretended that everything was like it'd always been. And most of the time, it was an easy thing to do; except on the nights when it would all rush back to hit him like a punch to the face.

"Bastard acts like he don't trust me to hold my own anymore", Daxter uttered miserably to himself. Sure, his new frame was skinnier than Jak's, and he hadn't quite gotten the hang of running on two legs yet, but he'd been pleased to find his that reflexes had retained an ottsel-like sharpness - he was still the best damn shot the Underground had at their disposal, whether Jak saw it or not. It terrified Daxter to think that Jak was out in the fray without him there to watch his back, to fight by his side when things got dicey. It was everything Daxter could do to keep himself from imagining what would happen if Jak never made it home, if he up woke the next morning to find that his only friend in the world was gone, all because he hadn't been there to protect him.

The rain had started leaking through the roof now, the pit of dread in Daxter's stomach twisting and growing larger with each drip that puddled onto the floor.

_This wasn't how it was supposed to be, dammit. This wasn't what "human" was supposed to mean._ Though Dax could hardly admit it to himself, let alone Jak, part of him had hoped it'd be just a little bit like Sandover was back when they were young; that seeing his buddy happy and human again would bring back that carefree smile Jak hadn't worn in ages, even if for only an instant. Lately, Daxter found himself missing the friendly touches he and Jak had shared so easily when they were kids: the piggyback rides, the playful wrestling matches that Jak often let him win, the nighttime strolls in the summer air with Jak's arm across his shoulders. And even though he and Jak had never really stopped being thick as thieves through everything, those memories always felt special to Daxter in a way that he just couldn't stop thinking about, sent butterflies fluttering though his stomach for reasons he'd long avoided confronting.

So when he did finally find a way to make himself human again, Daxter had jumped at the chance, hoping that maybe, just maybe, it could mean the start of a new chapter for him and Jak - that it would give him the confidence he needed to tell Jak how he really felt. But for reasons Daxter didn't understand, it seemed like all his efforts had managed to do was drive the two further apart.

His train of thought was interrupted then by the sound of the hideout lock rattling. He barely had time to mutter a panicked "fuck" under his breath as he considered his options, debating whether or not he should make a dive for the lantern and pretend like he'd never woken up in the first place. The decision was made for him when the door gave way only a moment later, a gust of cold air billowing into the room as Jak's familiar figure slipped inside.

The figure stopped cold in its tracks as it entered, likely surprised to see a pair of amber eyes staring expectantly back at it. Daxter noticed that Jak's clothes were soaked through, a small puddle already forming on the floor where he stood.

_Fuck, at least he's safe._ Daxter breathed a sigh of relief as he rolled over to face the wall, pulling the blankets tight over him. "Close the door. 's cold."

Jak stared only a moment longer before he overcame his surprise, swiftly shutting the door behind him. He cleared his throat before he spoke. "You're awake."

"You're back", Daxter said plainly.

"Yeah, uh, Torn called in the middle of the night with something pressing. It didn't sound dangerous, I figured I'd just slip out and take care of it real quick." Daxter heard wet clothes hit the floor as Jak changed out of his shirt and dried his hair with a random rag from the floor. "Didn't seem like it was worth waking you up over."

Daxter rolled around to face him, a snarky retort already on his lips, when he saw the bloody gashes running down Jak's back.

"You're hurt". It wasn't much more than a whisper, but it still made Jak freeze; he'd been caught red-handed. There were five deep cuts, each about a half-inch across, running diagonally from just below Jak's shoulder blades all the way down to his waist. In the dim light, the dried blood looked black and necrotic, sending a surge of revulsion up Daxter's throat.

"Oh fuck, Jak, you're hurt!" Daxter's voice rose with terror as he scrambled out of bed, frantic to get a proper look at the damage.

"Listen, Dax, they're just a few scratches", Jak pleaded, doing his best to ward off Daxter's prodding advances.

"Bullshit! What the fuck happened to you?"

"Look, please don't freak out-"

"Eco! Where's the damn eco?" Both Daxter's words and his brain were racing at a mile a minute now. He tore through the room until he found a leftover jar of green-eco salve, and tossed it to Jak. "Here!"

"Thanks." Jak wasted no time in popping off the lid and off and rubbing a sizable glob across his back.

"Let me get that for you-"

"I got it, it's really not as bad as it looks-"

"What in hell were you thinkin'?" Daxter's rant crusaded onward as if it'd never stopped. "God, yer such an idiot! Where were you?"

"I was just-"

"Did metal heads do this? Whatever happened, I swear to god I'm gonna-"

"Dax!" Jak roared, calm, but desperate to get him to stop. "Listen to me. I'm alright. I know I owe you an explanation, but I've had a long night, and I think it'd be better if we just talk about it all in the morning."

"But-"

"I'm fine, Dax, really. Everything's fine, okay? Let's just... go to bed, and we'll deal with it tomorrow. Please?"

Daxter let out a frustrated grunt, and Jak half-expected that to be the end of it - until Daxter's gaze snapped suddenly to meet his, brows furrowed and black pupils sparking with a seething rage.

"And what if it hadn't been fine, huh Jak?" Daxter's voice was low and hushed now, the anger behind it contained but liable to blow at any minute. The sudden shift sent a chill down Jak's spine.

"Wh, what do you mean?"

"I mean, what if those bastards had torn you limb from limb out there? Did you ever even stop to think about that?", Daxter asked as he jabbed a finger accusingly into Jak's chest. This close to him, Daxter had to tilt his gaze upwards to meet his.

"Look, Dax, I _really_ don't need this right now-"

"Yeah, well, you know what I don't need? To find out that what little brains my best friend had ended up splattered around some grimy back-alley somewhere, 'cause he decided to fly solo into something he couldn't handle on his own."

"Except I did. I. Handled. It." Jak spat the words with finality.

"That isn't the friggin' point!" Daxter's voice almost cracked as he gestured wildly with frustration. "You think that just because ya' managed to come home with all your limbs still mostly attached this time, that it makes it okay?"

"Well, yeah, I kind of do!" Jak yelled, exasperated. "It's not like anything serious happened, alright? Can't we just forget about it?"

"We're a _team_, Jak. Remember that? What happened to the team? You haven't taken me on a mission with you in weeks, and even when you do, you treat me like I'm a goddamn child!" Daxter was in his face now, scowl only inches away from Jak's stupid, stubborn mug. God, Daxter couldn't remember the last time he'd been so mad at him. "What's yer problem with me lately, anyway? What, am I no good to you now that I'm not a damn ferret? Can't scamper through the air vents for ya, can't stuff me in your pocket no more?"

"What? Daxter, you're being ridiculous-"

"Answer the question, blondie! Really, after all the shit we've been through, is that all I am to you now? A liability? Some kid you're better off leavin' at home? Tell me, dammit!"

As he yelled, a devilish glimmer of realization went off in Daxter's eyes, his shouts subsiding as his voice fell flat and sardonic. "Ah, hold up, I think I get it now. This whole time, you've just felt bad about me gettin' turned into a freak of nature, haven't you? Felt like it was your fault, like you owed me for it. And now that I'm all ship-shape again, you just can't wait to be on your merry little way, debt repaid and conscience squeaky-clean. Am I right?"

When Jak failed to answer right away, Daxter shoved him - all while tears he hoped Jak couldn't see began welling in the corners of his eyes. "Say something, you damn mute! That's what it is, isn't it? If I'm just a fucking inconvenience to you at this point, then by all means, leave already!"

"Don't talk to me like that", Jak growled, walking straight into Daxter and pushing him back toward the opposite wall. The sudden aggression caught Daxter off guard, and though he could tell he'd just crossed some sort of line, he couldn't find it in himself to care.

"Don't tell me what the fuck to say! Are those the facts, or aren't they? I'll bet you never even gave a shit about me at all, you bastard! You fucking freak!"

"You know, if you were anyone else, you'd be looking at me through a black eye by now", Jak snarled through gritted teeth.

"Oh yeah? Well, don't let that stop you!" Daxter shoved Jak again as he challenged him, utterly beside himself. "Go ahead, you big bozo, gimme your best damn shot!"

In that moment, Daxter saw something in Jak's expression snap. Some breaking point buried deep within him shattered, and Jak hesitated only an instant before he lunged.

Suddenly, his lips were on Daxter's.

Before Dax could even process what was happening, two rough hands had cupped his jaw and pulled him tightly into the kiss, Jak's embrace brazen and hungry but tender above all else. There was nothing Daxter could do but stand absolutely starstruck, his body frozen and tense with residual rage, all while Jak kissed him like he was the only person in his world that mattered.

And then, just as quickly as he'd pounced, Jak withdrew, seemingly snapped back to his senses. Even in the twilight, the expletives running though his head were plain to read upon his face - _Oh fuck, what did I just do?_

Daxter blinked, dumbfounded. _Oh fuck, what did you just do?_

All at once, Daxter realized he couldn't remember what he'd been so angry about a only minute before. If you'd asked him to, he probably wouldnt've been able to remember his own name. All he could think about was how good the warmth of Jak's lips had felt on his, how intoxicating it'd been to finally feel him so close.

The two sat in stunned silence a moment longer, until Jak's panicked whisper broke though the silence.

"I, I'm so sorry, I don't know why I-"

"Do that again."

Daxter's voice barely shook as he said it, stopping Jak dead in his tracks. It was both a command and a plea, equal parts sure and terrified.

It was all the encouragement Jak needed. Triumph and relief shot through him in blissful tandem as a smile bloomed bright across his face. He let himself fall fully into Daxter this time, pulling him into another kiss that was deeper and sweeter than before, no longer fringed with fear and desperation.

Daxter was ready the second time around, and effortlessly, he felt himself begin to melt. Arms fell gently into place across Jak's shoulders like they'd always belonged there, lips parted gladly to reciprocate Jak's efforts as Daxter's mind drifted away into a hazy euphoria. He'd daydreamed about a moment like this one thousands of times before, happening a thousand different places in a thousand different ways. So now, to finally know that Jak felt the same way about him, had maybe even dreamed of this moment the same way Daxter had - simply put, the sheer ecstasy of it all was nearly too much for him to bear.

Yet, in the very backs of their minds, both boys knew that everything was still far from settled. There were still countless explanations and apologies left to be made, years and years worth of bottled feelings left for both of them to unpack. But for right now, there was nothing to be done other than to hold each other close, and to enjoy the simple pleasure of their long-awaited first kiss. If only for an evening, Jak and Daxter would feel the war and havoc of the outside world fade into a distant afterthought, as their entire universe became the sound of rain falling upon a borrowed roof; became the flickering of a lantern casting intertwined shadows upon the wall; became warmth, and love, and each other.

\---

"Unbelievable. Just unbelievable. You're over here about to bleed out all over the goddamn floor, and the only thing you're worried about is makin' out with me", Daxter chastised as he ripped another length of gauze with his teeth. "Hold still."

Jak let out an embarrassed chuckle. "You're being over-dramatic. I wasn't lying when I said it looked worse than it was."

Daxter sat behind Jak as he worked at setting the last bandage in place, his touch deft yet as gentle as ever. The green eco had done most of the work already, but Daxter had insisted on being thorough. "Yeah, well, you're just lucky you've got me here to make ya' feel all better."

They both blushed, still riding high from the giddy energy of their kiss earlier. Between the two of them, there hadn't been a stop to the smiles for the past hour.

Jak took a moment to gather his nerves before he spoke. "I really am, you know. Lucky to have you, I mean. I do know that." He felt Daxter's hands waver for just an instant as they worked.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. And I'm sorry for making you feel like that wasn't the case. I knew I was being selfish, and stupid, it's just..." Jak felt a familiar nervousness start creeping up in his throat. It was one that had caught his tongue countless times before, one that was intrinsic to the terrifying ordeal of laying your feelings bare for the person you love. But tonight was going to be different; it already had been different. Besides, if he had the guts to handle gargantuan dark-eco demons on the regular, surely he could handle just two minutes of complete emotional honesty, right?

"It's just... seeing you like this again, seeing you _you_ again. It did something to my head, Dax, it-" He paused, searching for the words. "It awakened a lot of really strong feelings in me, stuff I've been putting off dealing with for years. It made me realize that there was no way I'd be able to handle losing you again, and I..."

_Shit, I'm really doing this._ Jak did his best to to keep his voice steady as he spoke. He was thankful Daxter couldn't see his face, because if it looked anything like the way it felt, he must've been blushing a burning red. Nevertheless, Jak trudged onward, a true solider through and through.

"... It made me realize how in love I am with you, Dax. I've been in love with you for a long time. And that's why I started taking missions on my own; because in my head, I kept thinking 'I need to handle this myself, I need to keep Daxter safe.'" Jak's ears flicked back guiltily. "Believe me Dax, I was miserable out there without you, but the whole time I just - I couldn't stop picturing a future where all of this is over, where it's just you and me, and your smile and your jokes and your laugh, and us together until the end of time. No monsters to fight, no war to win, just... I... I couldn't risk losing that future with you, Dax. I'd rather die than risk losing you."

Jak realized then that Daxter hadn't said a word this entire time. "Anyway, that's how I feel", he stammered, suddenly bashful. "What about you? How do you feel?"

There was silence for a moment before the reply came. "I feel like yer' an idiot."

"Wh- what?"

"I feel like-" Daxter got up to sit himself in front of Jak, practically in his lap as he draped his arms casually across Jak's shoulders. "-you're an idiot. For thinkin' that you could ever lose me. You really think I'd let myself get done in by some idiot KG, or a random metal head or somethin'? With _you_ by my side? Not a chance in hell." He said it all through a giddy smile, the warmest Jak had seen on his face in months. "It's Jak and Daxter, together 'til the bitter end, baby! It's a law of the natural universe, as unchangeable gravity itself!"

The boastful grandeur that Daxter spoke with couldn't help but make Jak laugh. God, sometimes Dax was just too cute for his own damn good.

"Hey, don't you laugh at me, I'm being serious here!", Daxter complained.

"You're such a dope", Jak managed between laughs.

"Shut up, I am not!" Daxter protested, biting back giggles of his own now. "You're the sappy idiot here!"

"I am not!"

"You are too! Seriously, stop laughing! Shaddup and listen to me for a second! Hey!" Daxter sobered up suddenly as he grabbed either side of Jak's face, his smile still bright but eyes staring intensely into Jak's. "Hey."

Jak fell silent, mystified.

"This is all gonna be over one day, and when it is, you can bet your ass I'm gonna be standin' right there with you, no matter what it takes. You've got me for as long as you want me, I swear. All I ask is that ya' let me stick by your side, no matter how hectic things get out there. Deal?"

Jak noticed something then in Daxter's eyes, something he'd never seen before. It was flame; shining small but steadfast, as real and unwavering as the stars themselves. They were the eyes of someone who meant the things they promised, who would re-arrange the cosmos themselves if they had to in order to see them come to pass.

In those eyes, Jak could see the future.

"Deal", he said, breathless. "But only if you kiss me again."

A mischievous grin flittered across Daxter's face. "I thought you'd never ask."

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Oh my god I actually finished it. Go me.  
2\. I haven't written fanfic in a long time, and even back when I did write I was still a total novice at it, so sorry if my style is a bit rough.  
3\. It's also been a while since I've played JnD, so my apologies if I got any plot / character / setting details just like, blatantly wrong.  
4\. why YES i DID steal the premise for the kiss from Newsies and NO i will NOT be explaining myself.  
Anyways, yeah. Leave a comment letting me know what you thought if you feel like it! Thanks for reading! <3


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